Angel Complex
by coffeemuffinrolls
Summary: When you hear the scream of the most unlikely person in the morning, you gotta know something is not right. What can possibly happen to Kratos!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This fic is written for personal enjoyment in hopes that others will find amusing as well.

A/N: Haven't seen a fic like this with these two...if somebody knows a story like this please do tell, and I'll take this down. Warning! Contains spoilers and slight ooc-ness. Other than that, hope you enjoy!

Angel Complex

Prologue

It just so happens that they're in a world where weird magic and antiques still exists. And it also happens that there's still something a four-thousand-year-old seraph like Kratos doesn't know. Adding that to a cure that's almost impossible to find, and nine not-your-average-heroes on a journey to save the world, disasters are bound to happen.

Especially a disaster as…unusual as this.

The group is staying in a nearby inn, preparing themselves for the final battle against Mithos. Every one of them is peacefully in their slumber, when the most piercing scream penetrates through the thin air.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

Wow. What a remarkably pansy scream.

Lloyd sits up straight in a jolt. He stumbles over his bed and cover, and reach for the door knob. After twisting it with an uncalled-for force (but hey who cares about repairing fees if you have Zelos, right?), he calls out to the room that he THINKS he heard the voice of.

Even though Lloyd in his right mind would never ever even believe that in the first place. But, since he just woke up and still had half of his brain up in the clouds, our hero is to be forgiven.

"Kratos?!" Lloyd calls out, waiting for an answer. I have no idea why he thinks his old man screams like a girl. Oh wait, like father like son, perhaps?

Silence. He waited. More silence. The other members show up from the corridors.

"Lloyd! What was that just happened?" Genis says, like the genius he always is.

"I have no idea!" Lloyd scratches his head, "but it looks like he just screamed!"

"Who did?"

"Kratos, who else?"

"How did you come up with that conclusion? I thought it's nothing like his voice," Regal says honestly. Lo and behold, Regal is actually having the spotlight.

Lloyd shrugs his shoulders. "Well, it's from his room."

So after much loitering, they decide to go in. Really now, if it's something serious, wouldn't you think the person in the room is dead by now?

They go in, and what graces their sight is a half naked Kratos in his navy boxers, looking at himself in the large mirror in front of him, unflinching like he just got turn into stone by some medusa's stare.

No body moves an inch. This is a sight that's going to burn into their memories forever. Not just that, for someone so serious like the seraphim to act out of his ordinary like this…a storm must be brewing. Right now, they're just basking in the tranquility before the waves and thunder.

Kratos slowly turns towards them, his face looking like a dead man.

"Um…K-Kratos?" Lloyd ventures out carefully. Wise choice, he wouldn't want the inn to get blown over by Judgment, something Kratos is quite prone to be doing.

"Lloyd…" he stares at the brunette like some lost puppy. Then with a sudden burst, he lunges forward and glomps Lloyd so hard that the teenage almost died of suffocation with an extra of broken ribs or two.

"Lloyd!! How can this happen to me?! My beautiful face, my beautiful haIRRRRR!!"

"K-Kratos! Cut that out! Lloyd can't breathe!" Sheena squeezes into the room, trying to pull the auburn man away from Lloyd. I wonder where the rest of the gang is at this crucial moment. They must be getting their kodaks.

With a sharp turn, Kratos stares Sheena with eyes misting over. That alone sends a cold shiver down the ninja's spine.

"Sheena…Sheeeeeenaaaa!" Sheena becomes his next victim of bear hugs, but the summoner manages to muffle out some words before her voice is completely covered.

"What…in…the…WORLD?!" She says while a frenzied Kratos nuzzles his head against her. Good thing that Regal and the others finally come to their senses, and pulls Kratos away from the kunoichi.

"What are you doing, Kratos?! That's not like you at all!" Sheena finally regains her breath, her tone accusing.

"Sheena, it's me! Don't you recognize me?!" Kratos says, sounding like a child losing his way in the darkest alley, "I can't believe it, so I'm really…Sheena, you really can't tell it's me, hunny?"

Hell freezes over. Did Kratos just say "hunny"?

He shakes his head. "It's me! I'm Zelos!!"

Prologue ends.

A/N: Um, I'm having writer's block again. I thought if I want to lighten things up, maybe I should try writing something out of my usual genre. In this case, I chose humor, because I doubled over laughing when I saw a picture on deviant art with Kratos in Zelos's costume. Well, may or may not update this 'til the end, since this is more like a writing exercise.

I want to know if I should keep this up, so read and review! Thank you! 


	2. Chapter 1

Discalimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: Thank you for all your support! I decided to continue this now…well, seeing as how I'm still stuck with my more-serious stories, I'll keep writing this until my head is clear again. Also, I revised the prologue, so it's not as grammatically-horrible as it used to be. I'm sorry how bad it was written, I hope it's easier on the eyes now.

Enjoy!

Angel Complex

Chapter 1

Falling, falling, falling. Darkness surrounds him, and he feels like forever until he hits the floor. Kratos right himself and looks beneath him. The darkness is spreading away, away and away until it is revealed a stain glass of-

"Chuck Norris?!" Kratos squints and stepped away. Something's not right here... Something comes up; it's a small creature that looks like a social bunny. Albeit smaller...but it's still freaky.

"Press A to attack the shadow-majiggy," a mysterious voice rang from above.

"And who might you be?" Kratos asked unfazed.

"The miserable guiding voice for the noobs. Now press A."

Kratos sighed, this is madness. He does hope that he's dreaming. He takes a glance at the enemy who's stupid enough to dwell there without attacking him for all this while, and chanted a magic spell.

"Indignation!"

The floor blow up and the glass starts to crack.

"Jumping jehosephat, you almost break the floor," the voice said again, "no matter, to the staircase that you will ascend."

A staircase magically appears in front of him. It's a really long staircase...possibly the longest Kratos have ever seen in his equally long life.

"...Where does this lead to?" He asked.

"...Why are you talking to yourself?" the voice said. "And when you see a staircase, you climb it. What's so hard about it?"

He really needs to wake up now. Whenever he has funny dreams, it usually means that there's a disaster going about in real life. The last time he dreamed about Yggydrasil and Yuan dressed up as lolitas, Anna died the next day.

Kratos summon forth his wings, and flies up the staircase only to land on yet another floor. Great, how many floors are there?

Three pedestals are shown; each had a different item on it. The first to the left is a pen, the middle a shield, and the right has a sign that says, "Censored for looking too much like a toy to be considered seriously."

"That is the staff, in case you can't see," the voice said again. "Now choose your destiny as if they weren't planned out by the developers already."

"Judging by this logic...shouldn't that be a sword?" Kratos points at the weapon on the left.

"Haven't you heard that the pen is mightier than the sword? Har! Har! Har!" laughter suddenly stops. "Now choose, we don't have all day."

Kratos sighed again and hold the side of his head in frustration. Not only is he getting stuck in a bad dream, it's hosted by an even worse narrator. He checked his belt, and realized that his own weapon is still strapped on it. Guess he doesn't need to choose after all. He raised his baseball bat high enough for the almighty someone to see.

"Damn, game shark," it says, "up the ladder you go."

Another set of ridiculously long ladder, which Kratos ignored by flying with his wings. For the first time he's actually glad to be an angel. Another platform with a random celebrity's face on the floor (Kratos doesn't want to look down, actually). A treasure chest is in front of him.

"I suppose I need to open that?" Kratos points again.

"Now, open the treasure chest in front of you."

"I believe I just said that."

"You want me to lose my job?" the voice said, irritably so. "Now open it, noob-face."

Kratos walks over to open it...but the chest turned into a vicious men-eating little monster, screaming in some beastly language.

"Bummer," the voice remarked, "it says you fail at life."

Kratos inwardly groaned, and decided that he had enough of this nonsense. He jumped back to the edge of the platform, and begins to chant a spell.

"...rest in peace, sinners. Judgment!"

...A brief silence and a storm of meteorites fall from nowhere. Wait a minute, this is not Judgment. But it does the job of destroying the Fake in pieces anyway.

"Good, you're done. See the door? Open it," the anonymous sound says again.

"Could it be the exit now?" Kratos said, walking over it eagerly. Finally, he'll wake up from this bizarre dream and find out just what happened in reality.

"Remember, the end is only the beginning...what a cliché line," a pause. "Now gitta Hell outta here."

Kratos brushed the last line aside, and pulls open the door. A bright dazzling light, and the sound that came from it is a pleasant--

_**"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"**_

* * *

Awake. Was that a scream he just heard? He got up reflexively, but stops as he heard no more noises. It's a good chance that he's still hearing things from his half-asleep mind. Sinking down on the bed again, Kratos scratched his head a bit out of grumpiness.

Hmmm. Did his hair just grow longer over night? And the color is kinda off...

He didn't really pay attention to it until he realizes what's beside him on his bed.

A _giant_ purple Barney doll is staring right back at him. Smiling. Singing "We're a happy family."

By instinct he grabs the doll and throws it against the window, making a loud "thud" sound. Looks like he's not out of the nightmare yet.

And his fear is confirmed when he looked down and saw that he's wearing a _pink man-thong_.

Frantically, he got up and looks for the mirror that sits in every room, and he almost start cursing out loud like a badly-written fan fiction character.

_"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" _

...No, he didn't scream. But that's what his mind is doing.

How and what and why?! The mind goes blank, and he fails to hear the ruckus down stairs. Then sounds of an angry mob racing upstairs, and breaking his door the next second. The one that happens to stand right in front of him is...

"Kratos!! We need to talk!" "Himself" said, face all red.

Kratos twitched, dear Martel, this is NOT happening...

"Um...Kratos?" Lloyd says with a tiny volume.

"...Yes?" he replied. And the "Kratos" that's standing there slaps his forehead so hard it sounds like he's swapping a fly.

"Aw man! You can't be serious!! So it really is true!! We're switched!!" he buries his face in his palms, looking like it's the end of the world. "I can't believe this...the great Zelos Wilder will never be the same again!!"

"...You're practically the same from how I see it," Sheena commented rather wryly with a cold sweat. Raine is the first one to get a hold of the situation. But that's only because she's the professor, and is suppose to have an abundance of energy to learn new things...hopefully.

"Interesting!" Her eyes are sparkling with excitement, "this must be the effect of a magic unbeknown to the world!"

From the side, Presea is watching this drama unfold with a different view all on its own. Whatever that comes next is probably that they'll get out of the inn, get to some other place so they can sort things out, and figuring out how to solve this problem.

Which means everything in between is just useless adult blabbering that doesn't need to be taken in mind...at least in the eyes of the young ones.

"BlahblahblahblahblahBarneyblah?" From Sheena.

"BlahblahpresentblahblablahblahHunny#69blahblabah," Answered Zelos.

"Blahblah? BlahblahblahblahZelosblahblahblahKratos?" Rained blahed, "blahblahblahGenisblah, BLAHBLAH!!"

"Yeah, I agree with you, Raine," Genis replied. "Let's get out of here first."

"Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah," this is from Regal. "Blahblahblah."

"Certainly, Regal. They should not change clothes or it will cause unnecessary confusions for the townspeople," Presea nodded.

"Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah," everyone else blahed in agreement, they seems to be reaching to a conclusion.

"Okay, let's go to somewhere clear," Genis said, "we'll decide what happens then."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, the group settled themselves on a near plain just outside town. It seems like they like to discuss things where wild monsters surrounds them. Well, whatever floats your boat, heroes.

"Alright! We should start reviewing what we did," Raine started, "why don't we see a rewind of what happened yesterday?"

So she takes out a video sphere, and presses the rewind button.

Ah, there it was._ They were traveling down from Katz Island (gotta get the skits, you see), and on the way back from there, a group of sales people came up and asked them if they wanted to buy the best cooking sauce ever produced by all Te'thealla._

"Oh, I remember them," Sheena said, "I thought they looked funny at first."

"But didn't we shoo them off?" Lloyd said, "I'm pretty sure we didn't buy anything."

_The sales person goes on to say how the sauce can turn the foulest food into the most delicious gourmet ever produced. Yes, even THE foulest._

"...I remember that's when we were reminded of Raine's cooking," Regal said, and everyone else nodded.

_Zelos goes on to say how they were going to stay at his mansion so they don't need to be cooking, but the sales man was persistent on his product._

"...Oh yeah, I told him how Sebastian is probably better than Wonder Chef," Kra-no, Zelos interjected. "But then he said it's invented by Wonder Chef's mom. I thought that was impressive."

_The sales man gradually convinced them, but Kratos wasn't really sure. He said it looks like regular pepper and it probably was exactly that. But the sales man insisted that the sauce can eliminate any traces of tomato flavors. _

"..." Zelos-I mean, Kratos was silent. He's guilty of what happened.

_After about two hours, the group finally spared their money and bought a small bag of "The magical sauce that can turn your food into something ten times better than anyone else's dishes on the table in the split second you pour that damn little bottle inside your pot." _Short for The Magic Sauce, you see.

Fast-forward to last night._ Regal and Raine were chosen to cook for the dinner, and the former thought he could try a little bit of it. He tapped in a few into the soup that was served to everyone after five minutes._

The other seven heroes sucked the air out of the room.

"QUICK! Check your bodies!!" Raine hollered in a panic. And they begin molesting themselves for the next ten seconds. They sigh in relief.

"It appears it only affects Kratos and Zelos," Presea stated. Zelos groaned.

"Let's watch it again. Maybe there's something we missed," Lloyd suggests, in which his wish is granted by Raine. This time they rewind to the beginning of the day, and starts from there. And the scene when they were seduced by the sales group came up again.

"Hold it!" Lloyd points dramatically, "Professor, I believe we have seen them somewhere before!"

Raine shook her head. "I don't seem to remember," but she's willing to give the benefit of doubt. "Well then, Lloyd, can you show us where we have seen these people?"

The "Start" menu pops up and Lloyd skips down to the "Synopsis" option.

"Take that!" Lloyd taps the paper, "it says clearly in the synopsis guide that we've encountered a group of fake Chosen and her guardians. These people look exactly like those phonies we met!"

Everyone gasped as they starts to recognize the faces. Indeed they're the phonies they met previously!

"Those bastards! I'm so gonna get my hands on them!" Zelos leaps up from his spot but immediately tripping himself over the cape behind him.

"Agh!" Thump. "Why do you wear something like this, Kratos? Bondage fest?!"

"Why do you have such long hair? I'm sweating bullets," Kratos replied blankly. Zelos shot him the most evil glare he can ever muster.

"If you cut, you die. I see," Kratos replied with a hint of exasperation.

"Cheer up, guys! Now we know who did it, let's go capture them and boil a rabbit in their kitchen to celebrate!" Colette chimed happily, trying to lighten up the mood. However, when she sees the drooping heads of everyone, she starts to devise another plan. In haste, she says the only thing on her mind.

"Hey Zelos, you're kinda like Lloyd's father now, right?"

Oh will Colette ever regret on saying that. She's willing to sacrifice herself twenty times over now that she knows what she's done.

"You. Are. A. Genius, Colette!" Zelos perks up like a predator spotting its prey, "You're right! I am your daddy now, bud!"

Zelos stops mid-track and frowns. "Wait, what kind of parent calls his child bud? I'll have to give you another nickname…"

"Ugh, no I don't think that's neccessar-"Lloyd is beginning to see the gravity of the situation. Alas, all is too late.

"Aha!! I'll call you Lloydie! Come to papa, Lloydie!!" Zelos went over and spreading his arms wide like birds. Or in this case, some crazed "father" that harasses a kid that isn't even his.

Sheena rolls her eyes and on her instinct, swept her hand upside his head.

"Ow! You're hitting Kratos, not me, Sheena!"

Sheena gasped and turns around apologetically, "A-ah! I'm sorry, Kratos!"

Right now, Kratos just sits in the corner rubbing his tempos slowly and painfully. This is going to be a long day…a _very_ long day.

* * *

Chapter 1 ends

Note: Kratos wears his Judgment outfit instead of the mercenary one

A/N: Yeah, I know Kingdom Hearts parodies are been done to death, but my hands just went about their own ways. Sorry about that, I do blame my hands for redundancy. ;; Mmm, maybe I should change the second genre to parody, since I used some references here.

Well, I do hope you guys enjoyed! :)


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